I Hate Apple Computers
I have so much pent up rage and anger and so little time to vent it properly on this blog. Literally every fucking day ten things piss me off and are worthy of a good rant. But who has time for this shit? So I’m going to down about a quart of tequila and let the discontent flow.
The only thing that annoys me more than Apple computer propaganda is anything related to Twitter. Twittering on your iPhone while drinking a PBR in your skinny leg jeans is the hipster idiocy trifecta. So a few seconds for a Twitter micro-rant (how fucking ironic) and then on to Apple. It should be obvious to you that Twitter is literally the dumbest human trend ever. If you use Twitter for anything other than to con hot dumb chicks into honking your bobo then you deserve to be quarantined with your other Twitter-Tards on a barren island for life, sentenced to speaking in 140 character increments while you play LiteBrite with each other for eternity.
So I swallowed my hatred of all things trendy and gave Apple a legit shot in my quest for a new laptop. I looked at HP, Dell and Apple laptops. No matter which way I spun it the Apple computer cost three times as much as an HP / Dell with similar hardware. For the cost of one Apple I could buy an HP laptop with the same specs as the Apple and a Dell desktop with better specs and have a pile of money left over. On top of that every single useful software product I could buy for the Apple I can also buy for the PC. However the reverse isn’t true; not all useful PC software has an Apple version. In fact the most important software I need to do my job doesn’t run on Apple unless you run Windows XP on your Apple (yes this can actually be done though software called VMWare) so what you end up with essentially is a PC that costs three times as much as is should using proprietary hardware that you can’t modify. (But it’s pretty!)
To summarize; the Apple does less fucking stuff than the PC but costs three times as much… or rather it can do exactly the same stuff as a PC as long as you run Windows on your Apple which means that at that point your Apple is a PC that you paid way too much for. Here is my advice cut out the middleman save yourself some dough and get a PC. They cost less. They can do more. And contrary to the cute “I’m a Mac” commercials PCs are reliable.
They only reasons I can think of for buying an Apple;
1. You Are a Fucking Idiot; you believe everything corporate marketing pumps into your empty head. You think the Apple guy is “cute” and the PC Guy is frumpy and gross.
2. You are a graphic designer who listened to all the other graphic designers that told you “Apple is the only computer you can do great creative work on.” While ignoring the obvious fact that the entire Adobe Suite runs just as well on the PC.
3. You are a hopelessly trendy hipster asshole who’s self esteem is so low you’ll do literally anything that the crowd tells you to so that you can be liked. (Pssst: They don’t really like you)
4. You are an open source hippie. You hate Microsoft and think Bill Gates is mean. While ignoring that Apple’s licenses are more restrictive than Microsoft, Apple products are more closed to development and modification than PCs and Steve Jobs had Apple legally threaten a guy who was making fun of him. (Google: Fake Steve Jobs)
5. You think it’s still 1996 and hate that Windows 95 SP1 blue screens twice a day.
6. You’re a Rush Limbaugh ditto head and believe everything that the fat man says including his constant shameless plugging of Apple products and as soon as you move into a bigger trailer you’re getting a Mac.
7. You’re a software developer who wants to automatically eliminate half of the useful development tools from your repertoire.
8. You think that you’re going to make $5M selling the next great iPhone Fart Application.
9. You are so retarded that you think that iTunes and the iPod won’t work with a PC.
10. You’re unemployed and need a $3,500 fashion accessory for your “sitting at Starbucks all fucking day because I don’t have a job” ensemble.
[...] post: I Hate Apple Computers Categories: Development, Software Tags: cathode-ray, eliminate-half, exceeds-the-euro, [...]
Sorry to here your can’t afford a Mac. The world doesn’t people like you and Rush Limbaugh with that much hatred.
Dear Douchebag J,
Sorry to “here” that you are so fucking illiterate that you can’t understand a simple point. That point isn’t if I can or can’t afford a Mac (I can) it is that the Mac is a product that is less functional / useful and costs three times as much. Making the people that buy them… suckers, sucker.
-GN
Right on Brother!
You get those Apple Huggers!
Sent from my iPhone
Bravo and well said. The only people that buy a Mac are douche canoe assbags that shovel up the idiotic drivel that all the slick Mac advertisements shovel at them. Then those same mouth breathing fucktards are all shocked and bewildered when their computer (yes, a Mac is still a computer) crashes after they do something stupid they would do on a PC which would cause it to crash.
Keep it up, great article and so very true.
Right on! I hate apple so much, and I hate that people around me are such big iPhone fan boys. I will never buy into their white world dystopia, no matter how many colors they add to try to convince me its anything otherwise.
Another great rant, I can’t stand them Apple fan boys.
Sent from my iPhone
This is such a great post, love it
I would add to this that Apple fans are the most annoying people in the world; no HP or Dell user would ever go on a tirade to me about how great their respective computers are and how I should get one when I make a simple comment about being excited to get a new computer (which will be a PC desktop that I build myself…would Apple let you do that?) Dear god, just shut up!
[...] The only thing that annoys me more than Apple computer propaganda is anything related to Twitter. Twittering on your iPhone while drinking a PBR in your skinny leg jeans is the hipster idiocy trifecta. Fuck Twitter. …Page 2 [...]
[...] The only thing that annoys me more than Apple computer propaganda is anything related to Twitter. Twittering on your iPhone while drinking a PBR in your skinny leg jeans is the hipster idiocy trifecta. Fuck Twitter. …Read More [...]
lol you people sound very angry, Getting a PC really sounds like a pain in the ass, good reason to get a mac : ) oh wait, i already have one! No wonder im so happy.
Great post - couldn’t have put it better myself
zompaq - happy, you know what they say ignorance is bliss!!
In a way i wish i was a thick mac-tard really - i’d probably be smiling out of the windows of the special like the rest of you…
“Twittering on your iPhone while drinking a PBR in your skinny leg jeans is the hipster idiocy trifecta”… god damn that was great. Fuck macs. there’s nothing i can say that you haven’t already.
I have no idea why people think that Mac is better than PC. Under all that sleek designing, they’re not as good. The few things (and I mean the VERY few things) that a PC can’t do but a Mac can are shitty programs. My own brother thinks that his Macbook Pro is the best computer ever, even though my HP laptop running Vista has more memory and runs twice as fast. My theory on how this Mac trend started all of a sudden is because people had problems with early Vista and thought they were better off with Macs. They were right-for a while, until Vista cleaned up it’s act and got better again. However, these new Mac lovers were thinking “but I already spent a shit load of money on this iMac. Oh well, lets put a lot of propaganda on TV and say that PC sucks anyway.” Macbooks usually have only 150 gigs of memory; my laptop has 250, and its half the price!!!
What is happening to our world; Macs are popular, Miley Cyrus music is considered to be amazing. If any of you seen the movie “Idiocracy”, this is only the beginning.
Give those Mactards hell brother Reid. Apple is the douchebag computer of choice.
The only software that the Mac can run exclusively run are the useless Apple gayities like iLife.
The catalog of software that runs on the PC but doesn’t run on the Mac could fill a warehouse.
Fuck apple and fuck apple users. Go fuck yourselves.
Here Here! I will NEVER buy an apple mac until I can make one myself! Even then! They are the worst, most locked down, company in the world. And their ads are deceiving and basically lie to the viewers. All those dumb tv ads do is make fanbois happy but I haven’t met a single person that will buy one because of them.
i just caved a year ago and bought the a high-end imac (over $3000). guess what - it crashed today and everything that was on it is gone. i have had several pc’s, and this has never happened with any of them. apple is terrible, and their commercials are an ironic joke. they won’t even help my try to retrieve my data, and the hipsters at the “genius bar” are rude and annoying. that was my first apple and it will be my last.
Hey SW.
Thats just the thing the only thing that is special about Apple computers is the price and the marketing. Aside from that they are exactly the same hardware as a PC in a shiny box.
There is no magic that can keep an Apple hard drive from crashing. It’s the same hard drive as in a PC. They are so similar that you can run Windows on a Mac and with a few tweaks you can run OS-X on a PC. (no shit) So if you think you’re getting something special in that $3000-$4000 box think again.
Of course the fanboys will tell you that a PC is more likely to get a virus. It’s true if you’re stupid and download crap off of the Internet and install it. The reason the PC has more viri than the Mac is simple; market share. There are 10 times as many PCs as Mac of course the virus writers are going to target a platform with more market share. It’s the same reason that there is more software available for the PC in the general software market. It’s a larger more attractive market.
Welcome to reality. Apple is over-hyped hipster crap. Welcome back to the PC. It costs less and you can do more.
I absolutely love this post. I was a member on MacRumors while I had my iPhone, and the real reason for activating my Blackberry again, is because the fanboys give me a headache. iPhone or iAnything, are no longer a trend, because like tiny dogs in purses, EVERYONE HAS ONE. I can appreciate my BB up until Feb. when I get the Droid Eris, and I am not getting it because “it’s the cool thing to do”, I am getting it because, well.. that phone is fucking awesome. I will admit, I was a fangirl, but when I grew up, I realized that Steve Jobs is NOT god, and when he decides to put out a computer or phone that is NOT locked up to hell and back, then, and only then, will I be impressed. Anyone can make something and lock it up.. look.. here is a snowman, i am putting it in the freezer, and you can’t see it because I am dead bolting the door shut. Do you see how ridiculous that sounds? Great post, I am SO book marking this page. It makes me smile.
basically apple nerds are computer extreme fundamentalists.. try criticizing some of the crap that apple is doing ..eg 50k apps.. they forget that 49.500 are dupes.. etc etc. and you will eventually get banned from their discussion forums..
Apple makes a decent computer..Windows 7 is as good, I have both…
arrogance is the marketing word for Apple..
rblack
Grumpy, can you and I meet somewhere’s so we can slit a wrist and become blood brothers?
Seriously, I love the anger here and the fact that the thread has endured for three-plus months. That means that the anti-Apple animus is alive and manifests itself in those like me who actually Google phrases like “I Hate Apple” and “Apple Sucks” and “Apple lovers fellate dead baby baboons”.
The thing that gets me is the paternalistic “we’ll take care of everything” and the terminally-cutesy-pie apps and manifestations of the desktop that pop up and distend/distort themselves as the result of an errant.
O.K., I get it, you can morph the shape of icons and make apps look like they are being sucked into a vacuum cleaner hose. Cute. Now how about doing something f*cking useful instead of all that razzle dazzle?
I mean I hate any smugness and self-satisfaction in any class of individual from Apple proselytizers to Volvo owners. One fervently hopes that they finish out their lives attempting to suck rat turds through a straw.
Of course, I have been a developer for 40 years and, while I don’t like Gates nor am I a big fan of some of the stupid things Microsoft does, it is worlds more accessible than Apple.
But, hey, my idea of a great interface is one of those old “, , , …” lists and a “Select option” request on a green screen.
I hear that CP/M is making a comeback once they re-animate Gary Kildall.
Keep up the good fight, Grumpy!
I totally agree, Apple does suck..
I mean, which fool would want to buy an iPhone?
Definitely not me
Sent from my perfect iPhone (take that those of you who can’t afford one, *cough* Grumpy Nerd *cough*)
Mac Luser; As a business owner Grumpy Nerd understands a value proposition vs marketing hype.
The Mac vs Windows PC proposition is clear; a Windows PC offers twice the value vs a Mac. Windows runs more software, Windows is compatible with a wider variety of hardware.
Finally a Windows PC can do everything a Mac can however the opposite isn’t true. For example our shipping department wouldn’t function because none of the shipping software runs on a Mac.
However our creative department gets along just fine with PCs because the Adobe suite runs just as well on Windows as it does on a Mac.
So if you are weak minded and need to buy your way into acceptance by other “cool” people. Or you don’t understand value and are easily distracted by shiny things or your parents are footing the bill and you don’t care… by all means buy an Apple.
But if you value function over bullshit and have a job that needs to be done and you aren’t wasteful with money the PC is your machine.
I am an artist and have designed a t-shirt.
There is an apple logo smeared in shit, beneath is written “CRAPPLE”
Over priced, over hyped, american shite !!!
@ Mac User, idk if you have been paying attention but this entire article was pretty much about you and your iTool friends. Ohh I own an iPhone and you dont so Im automatically better than you. My iPhone is perfect and apple does no wrong. Im surprised you can still talk with steve job’s dick so far down your throat, and I know its hard to believe but most people dont want an iPhone, give me a google phone any day. Lets see cheaper, check. Open source, check. Can do anything the iPhone can, check. So once again another company has completely one upped mac. As much as you don’t want it to be true, apple is a one step behind the everyone else. Since your so god damn confident in crapple I challenge you to find one thing ONE FUCKING THING that you can do on a mac that cant be done with a PC. Give up? Its because there is nothing, not a god damn thing that your POS mac can do that PC doesnt do as well if not better.
/rant
The trouble isnt that apple make shit products, its that everyone buys them making apple more powerful and increasing the amount of shit products they can produce.
The original idiot phone was a pile of shite. it came out while there were loads of 3g phones from everyone else, and wasnt 3g itself. People bought it.
Then apple made it “3G!!!!” wow. Why the fuck wasnt it “3G” in the first fucking place. People bought it. In fact I know someone who just now “upgraded” to an idiot phone 3G.
Then they put an S after it. And it still cant do video calls. Great. My phone from 3 years ago could do that.
Moving on to the idiot pod shuffle. Its selling point? it doesnt have a screen. Wow. I’m going to go and buy one RIGHT NOW! so I can be unable to navigate through my music effectively, and enjoy the shit music quality. Best of all, i can pay MORE for it than a better player WITH a screen! now thats value for money.
The idiot pod nano has a video camera? WOW now i could take shit quality video on an idiot pod. but why would I want to? Hmm. Because its an APPLE PRODUCT! that means i must need that feature obviously. What was I thinking.
I cant really stress how much I hate apple. They have never once made a product that even comes close to not being a complete waste of money and a complete piece of shite. I enjoyed your rant and I agree with all of it.
God damn Apple.
Thank God. People who aren’t sheep have found a small slice of sanity in an otherwise Apple-drugged world. In one of my MBA marketing courses, we had a visitor - a designer from Apple - who posited to the class “What does Apple sell that’s different?” After many close answers, he summed it up in one word…”cool”.
Therein is the problem. Apple has created a following of “cool kids” who really didn’t know jack shit about computing in the first place. As the author above me asked - why would you need a camera on an MP3 player? WAKE UP YOU FUCKING MAC FUCKTARDS!!! If any other company were to produce a competing product with the same features and similar styling, it would be dismissed as stupid and trivial. You iTards are swallowing exactly the pill Apple marketing has crafted for you!!
Isn’t this like all counter-culture movements though? (Think hippies, goths, Swatch watches, etc.) The seperatists want to be “unique” and “different” and stand for something against the big bad money makers of the world, so they band behind a little company that tells the world it stands for something different (and it probably does initially). Then, by their growing numbers, the transform the company, and hence themselves, into the same group of people they claimed to once have hated.
The original iTards are mostly idiots who can’t find a power button without an instruction manual. But look out. Now there’s a new breed of fan boi/gurl, who is secretly desperate to be cool, and Apple marketing knows it. These fucks don’t care about the ideals of the company they buy from. They’re more than happy to pay through the nose for a stripped out, locked down piece of shit, as well as submit themselves to the total ass raping of Big Brother over what that machine can run - all so they can look cool, nevermind the price. Most would drown in a wet paper bag if they had to rely on any kind of serious computer knowledge to save themselves, so many just buy the iShit so as an added perceived benefit in their minds they can look semi-technologically literate - which as you know is a farce.
I think the only way for the sane and rational people to begin to change this is to keep doing what you’re doing here - rubbing the iTards noses in their own and Steve Job’s shit, poking fun at their obvious stupidity, lack of rational reasoning skills and computer knowledge. It will draw on the same insecurity that magnetized them to their iShit in the first place. Call them idiots and mean it, as I’m sure you do. Eventually Apple, as all things once “cool” will one day cease to be so, and the company will have already lost its original user base.
Now, for the laid back portion:
BURN IN HELL JOBS, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT. I BOUGHT AN iPOD ON eBAY AND CRUSHED IT WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER JUST FOR YOU AND YOUR ARMY OF IGNORANT ELITIST FUCKTARDS! You’re pretty “cool” now, but who’ll be cool when the shareholders are losing $ because somebody made fun of the idiots who buy your crap and they all decided you weren’t anymore? GOD I FUCKING HATE APPLE. GAD DAMNIT!! I’M FINDING ONE TO DESTROY RIGHT NOW!!!
Good job, Grumpynerd. Well articulated and completely accurate.
Dewey, Dewey, Dewey. Thank you so much for probably the most angry and epic comments section rant I’ve ever seen.
You’ve taken this discussion up an entire notch. Well done.
I also hate Apple. I bought a MAC, and their stupid 1 on 1 classes, which I only did two of. The instructors were clueless and had no concept of how to teach an adult learner.
The staff at the Apple store was extremely rude since I am computer illiterate. I have now booked lessons with an independent instructor, so looking forward to that.
The greeters at the front of the store are really a fucking waste of money, and we pay for this shit. Too many staff, who are clueless, I wanted a matte screen and thought I bought this, but when I got home, it wasn’t matte. Smart salesperson huh?
And yes, it seems that MAC people are sheep or sheeple - do what the crowd does, or else. Fucking losers.
I have to suck it up and use my MAC, but glad I don’t have to be taught by those idiots.
thanx for the rant dude. I can’t fucking stand anything apple and their software fucking suck. I needed to read a good apple sux rant. how it this for fucking retarded I pay the money for acrobat and now it wont open a pdf in my browser. i tried a few things to get it to work but, like most apple related shit it doesn’t work and costs too much. so fuck it ill just d/l what i need to look at i just dont have time for this shit either…
Grumps,
Man whats the best is these fake ass mac gamers(mame-ers) trying to run CODMW2 on their macs. I found a comments section on a torrent tracker website with 5 pages of mac users trying to get a half ass version of the game to run as a .EXE(which requires 2 seperate programs) on their macs. hilarious. not to mention on very dated graphics cards that they sell as current \power house cards.\
I had to smack them in the face with my system specs.
for $1600(US) i have:
i7 920@4.1
ASUS P6t mobo
1 TB HD
3 9800 gt 1 gb in SLI (EVGA) yes 3!
6 GB ram
(all midgrade components)
This machine crunches battlefield bad company 2.
It crunches everything i throw at it.
Construction Design, specializing in Autocad 2009 is my profession. My Pc runs the 64bit version of the program which utilizes the Multi-core technology very very impressively. FLAWLESS.
I could also argue that my PC can run any program in Adobe Suite runs 2 times better than any Mac.
PCS ARE A HOBBY AND LIFESTYLE.
i7 FTW,
So right you are my man. I’m more of an off the rack kinda guy. I run a web and software development biz so it’s more important to me that I get well built box that will give me a few years of trouble free service.
So recently I bought at Dell Studio.
8GB RAM
decent video card (as good as anything Apple ships with)
1TB of hard drive
Quad Core CPU
Windows 7 64 bit.
A beautiful 24inch monitor
All in all a really nice solid box. Very enjoyable to use. Compatible with *ALL* of my old 32bit Windows software and plenty of room for expansion.
You know what that cost me? $1100. What would a comparable Mac run? $3000? $3200?
The Apple computer is a badge of stupidity. It screams out loud that the person a) swallows the Apple marketing propaganda and maybe more importantly B) paid double for a computer so they could fit in with their peers. It’s the sign of a weak mind so addled with the need to fit in they will be a mark for literally any marketing program thrown their way.
I pity the Apple user for their lack of mental acumen.